I have a younger brother. Today he believed it was the last day to get something he wanted, and being without a credit card, he made a heroic effort at wheedling it out of the taller people in his life. It was really quite the display of new and creative methods of persuasion, for him. He wanted what we considered to be a worthless toy so badly he was willing to modify his behavior in hopes of getting it.
My brother went to bed disappointed; which builds character though I didn't tell him that. I used to want things that badly, but now that I've thought about it, there isn't much I so strongly desire these days. I've had my toys that broke or became boring. The few things I would like to own I can comfortably live without: $1800 cameras, $3000 lenses, and a titanium spork. I expect as I age even more things will become silly and unnecessary. I hear tell that past 90 years old, just waking up and getting to breath air is satisfying enough.
What do I really want out of life? Nowadays I think of bold abstract concepts like a job that will be useful, happy marriage, justice, tranquility, understanding, wisdom. But now, I have reservations about my desires, unlike when I was a child and could not imagine living without the big $100 lego pirate ship. I hear people say wanting things like justice and wisdom will be just as unfulfilling as the toys where. We'll see. A man has to have something to dream about, just like the boy does.
Though I did survive with just the small lego ship. And justice can wait till the end of time if necessary.
Grady Houger ~ man who no longer has time to play with legos
I wonder how I should feel about wanting things? What should I really get out and try to get? What will I wish backwards for when I'm 60?
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
lying down expecting to sleep - while the world spins round
What's there to be said when there isn't a statement I have to be said, no message of life change and reform?
I just feel tired. I want to lie down and sleep. Today I did alright. Last night I was awake reading science fiction about how machines that could duplicate anything would destroy a civilization. Sleep is worth skipping for a good enough story, but not every night. I learned that.
Tired but fairly well satisfied, without much cause to be. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not more bothered by my lack of remorse for poor performance. Maybe that's a separate issue, but I would be more worried if I felt I had earned that right to be satisfied. I'd rather think my enjoying life was a gift from God.
Sometimes the only idea that makes life interesting is that I know the world will end. But will it end soon, or after I am dead? Sure it's an uncertainty that could be disturbing. To me it's an excitement that just can't be bought some way else.
Grady Houger ~ man of occasional thoughts
Why yes, I did just listen to The Postal Service - Sleeping In.
I just feel tired. I want to lie down and sleep. Today I did alright. Last night I was awake reading science fiction about how machines that could duplicate anything would destroy a civilization. Sleep is worth skipping for a good enough story, but not every night. I learned that.
Tired but fairly well satisfied, without much cause to be. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not more bothered by my lack of remorse for poor performance. Maybe that's a separate issue, but I would be more worried if I felt I had earned that right to be satisfied. I'd rather think my enjoying life was a gift from God.
Sometimes the only idea that makes life interesting is that I know the world will end. But will it end soon, or after I am dead? Sure it's an uncertainty that could be disturbing. To me it's an excitement that just can't be bought some way else.
Grady Houger ~ man of occasional thoughts
Why yes, I did just listen to The Postal Service - Sleeping In.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2008 resolutions :-/
Its been a year since I put up a facebook note, and of those resolutions I only managed to loose weight, which was easy once I had to buy and cook my own food. Candy and cheese are expaensive! Eating in out is no deal when 25lbs of rice is $13.
This years resolution is to write something here every day. Now that I'm back in college hoping to be a professional writer, its unpleasant to discover that I actually am a lousy writer! Practice is the key according to all the advice I've read, so I'm going to do the blog thing like every other boring yaker on the internet.
Since facebook pops up notices of friends posting notes I have a build in audience for at least the note titles ha ha!
So happy new year all you friends, relatives and acquaintances! I look forward to having my text past through your vision soon!
Grady Houger ~ man who knows he is foolish
but wait! this is not facebook! For you few, happy few, you non-social networked readers of my blog you get these extra lines. Thats right, special content, just for you! and if you don't have facebook, don't bother signing up for it. It's only the best of the popular social networking sites, but there's a hundred more worthy ways to spend your time. And you can always email me.
:-)
This years resolution is to write something here every day. Now that I'm back in college hoping to be a professional writer, its unpleasant to discover that I actually am a lousy writer! Practice is the key according to all the advice I've read, so I'm going to do the blog thing like every other boring yaker on the internet.
Since facebook pops up notices of friends posting notes I have a build in audience for at least the note titles ha ha!
So happy new year all you friends, relatives and acquaintances! I look forward to having my text past through your vision soon!
Grady Houger ~ man who knows he is foolish
but wait! this is not facebook! For you few, happy few, you non-social networked readers of my blog you get these extra lines. Thats right, special content, just for you! and if you don't have facebook, don't bother signing up for it. It's only the best of the popular social networking sites, but there's a hundred more worthy ways to spend your time. And you can always email me.
:-)
Thursday, January 18, 2007
favorite photograph
My favorite picture happened at home one snowy winter evening. I held my pocket digital camera to shoot through binoculars, and got a picture of a coyote walking through the storm. It looks forlorn traveling between the edge of the woods and the snow covered marsh grass. Has it found enough mice to survive? Does it have anyone to go home to?
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
! 2007 !
These are my resolutions, but I know it is ineffective to say 'I will do this' then try to force myself into it and spend my time feeling bad when I fail. Instead, it seems better to say 'these are the things I want to do', and developing attitude of encouraging myself.
So instead of absolute rules, this is my list of behaviors I will focus on. I know that to doing them will improve who I am and have fulfilling results.
intercessory prayer / scripture meditation
As a Christian I seek to live to the full potential God has for me. Praying for others is more effective than my trying to tell them how to live better. And deep prayer is wonderful. I need to practice this regularly. Likewise, learning God scripture is the primary way he speaks, so I must study it asking "How do I live this in my life?"
write to schedule / work toward goals
I feel compelled to write many stories, and recently I have turned to books about writing for aid. If I am to achieve my goals, a short scheduled time of writing every day seems to be an effective method.
eat/exercise/body tone
This is the classic new years resolution, but I am not interested in regimens and specific pounds. I want to avoid eating heavily, thus learning restraint. I want to seek out and reform the habits and attitudes that keep me from exercising and having a capable body.
Be awake. Practice complex difficult thinking tasks and social interactions rather than simple fun.
I see myself falling into sluggish unthinking entertainment. Or worse, times when I just can't think clearly and have no interest in anything. Why? I must carefully monitor and record what I do and think that puts me into an unproductive mood. Also, what choices motivate me to an opposite and preferable place; being mentally awake, curious, engaged in complex things that require a mature and lively mind. If I want to become a mature thinker and productive adult I must consider how I live and pursue those things that encourage such, and thus avoid practices that make me a lazy bum.
So instead of absolute rules, this is my list of behaviors I will focus on. I know that to doing them will improve who I am and have fulfilling results.
intercessory prayer / scripture meditation
As a Christian I seek to live to the full potential God has for me. Praying for others is more effective than my trying to tell them how to live better. And deep prayer is wonderful. I need to practice this regularly. Likewise, learning God scripture is the primary way he speaks, so I must study it asking "How do I live this in my life?"
write to schedule / work toward goals
I feel compelled to write many stories, and recently I have turned to books about writing for aid. If I am to achieve my goals, a short scheduled time of writing every day seems to be an effective method.
eat/exercise/body tone
This is the classic new years resolution, but I am not interested in regimens and specific pounds. I want to avoid eating heavily, thus learning restraint. I want to seek out and reform the habits and attitudes that keep me from exercising and having a capable body.
Be awake. Practice complex difficult thinking tasks and social interactions rather than simple fun.
I see myself falling into sluggish unthinking entertainment. Or worse, times when I just can't think clearly and have no interest in anything. Why? I must carefully monitor and record what I do and think that puts me into an unproductive mood. Also, what choices motivate me to an opposite and preferable place; being mentally awake, curious, engaged in complex things that require a mature and lively mind. If I want to become a mature thinker and productive adult I must consider how I live and pursue those things that encourage such, and thus avoid practices that make me a lazy bum.
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