Sunday, October 23, 2005

at school again

I was brushing my teeth and was seized with the longing to sit in a living room and have a quiet conversation with my witty wife. I guess that's what I get when I start reading Pride and Prejudice, and listen to classical music instead of the punk/metal the other guys play.
I am now living at Ecola Bible School, in Cannon Beach Oregon. Four Bible classes each week day, one less on Wednesday. Two topics per week of one week duration. I like the classes.
This is a vacation town and I overheard the school's nickname: Ecola Bridal School. It is the end of the second week, and it is apparent to even an unsocial geek like me that people are starting to date. I don't know how to date. Over the last few years I have been thinking about marriage and consider myself unready for such an endeavor. I'm getting closer though, and listening to Ride of the Valkyries right now adds a nice touch. Marriage is much more than the happy-blissy-sexy part that gets entirely overemphasized. I learned back in my teens that finding a girl who will stand with you through thick and thin was of utmost importance. The resulting question has taken much longer to answer: How do I develop a likewise steadfast character? There are many other similarly hard elements to be considered.
How to approach the matter with the right motives in the first place. How to earn a living to support a family. How to prepare to care for and support another individual, and before long, some number of untaught smaller individuals. I see in myself numerous habits and attitudes that are not congruent with a loving husband. And lastly, the big two: getting the theology of the whole matter right, and overcoming the fact I am a computer geek with communication deficiencies.
Marriage is something to puzzle over and work towards, but there are more fundamental considerations here. What to do with my life? Learning to grow more Christlike and follow his leading instead of my own efforts, which are obviously lacking to get me anywhere worthwhile.
I can hear people talking and laughing outside, I can hear a symphony play Liszt's Hungarian rhapsody #1 in F minor on my headphones.
I wish I knew how to converse with somebody. I'd better try again.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Just scraping the rust off the top so it won't look completely abandoned

Hi you who may wander by!
I'm far from home, interning, doing computer work. Still writing. The big question is what to do with my life.
I have more updates on my website:

I do have one short story to share with you. (Yes you random visitor! And also you five people who know about this site.)


While falling a sleep I wrote on the wall. Writing on the wall is a great joy, made possible by a injudicious comment uttered by the apartment wall's owner, who, while on the topic of painting the room said; "You can do anything."

On Board the Pirate ship Lulliby

The realization hit me like a load of sodden casks. The ship was doomed to sink. Rocks where everywhere, scraps of vessels between them and mines had already damaged ours. An explosion sounded behind me, I whorled to see a ploomb of white smoke jetting off into the sky, lofting a star. My eyes swept from the scorch mark on the deck to the recieding point. Yes, the rats had launched their space shuttle. They knew when a ship was doomed. And now I was without any technically skilled crew.
"Hai Priest, show ye present!"
"Wha, how it be?" The man of the cloth came out of the forecastle, where he was given to laying in his hammock all day.
"We're done for truely, the ship be fated to sink here."
"Ah will ye tell what cargo we be holding now at last?"
"Tis no matter if I do; It's metal floor plates, union made, for the Banzii Spider Company, to be delivered to Prince Dust, at the destination I failed to reach."
"Ah Captain, now you wish to talk. What's the value of the gold you would have received? Is it no the same as the value of the cargo you carry? And now what's it worth?"
"I know the dogs all taste the same, what be your point?"
"There is value in things beside the things you might trade or steal."
"Agreed, although I wouldn't have before; yet I knew."
"What's the value of prayer?"
"Well if my gold, my cargo and my hull when empty be all worth the same, how about your prayer, when mirrored by a magic spell, or any of the warm fuzzies ye feel during the happy moments of life?"
"Fair, but you know, there's one that lasts no matter where it lies."
An explosion cut our conversation short, and cut the Priest off entirely, the blast from the mine cut straight up through the deck and there wasn't any left of my sole passenger. I heard the sound of water filling the hold, the end was a sooner one. I peeked in the hole.
"Whell God, my ship has a hole in it. This be a prayer I be making. A captain's soul is his ship tis said. I understand yer name be Jesus and ye be after souls. So here be one for ye."
From my pocket I drew a gold piece, smelt it and tossed it in the hole.
"First Mate!"
"ya" he answered faintly from the aft cabin. I found him seated in my chair.
"We be sinking. Not much to do. I've a suggestion, though, as yer Captain, you could make your peace with God. Tis worth it I find."
First Mate Dragon Waste was not the type to do much. As far as slackers go he can give Falannigan a run for his money. Yet now he pulled out his heavy pistol and shot me. I looked up from the floor as the smoke cleared.
"Sorry Captain. That wasn't as enjoyable as I thought it would be."
The ship was starting to tilt, and quickly it slid into the water, front first and hit the shallow bottom. I had fell on the wall, I looked up at Dragon Waste climbing above me through the rear window. My chest leaked as the ship did as I climbed after him. We sat on the windows. Stuck. "Gold is money, but have ye ever thought about the value of gold?" I rasped.