lying down expecting to sleep - while the world spins round

What's there to be said when there isn't a statement I have to be said, no message of life change and reform?
I just feel tired. I want to lie down and sleep. Today I did alright. Last night I was awake reading science fiction about how machines that could duplicate anything would destroy a civilization. Sleep is worth skipping for a good enough story, but not every night. I learned that.

Tired but fairly well satisfied, without much cause to be. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not more bothered by my lack of remorse for poor performance. Maybe that's a separate issue, but I would be more worried if I felt I had earned that right to be satisfied. I'd rather think my enjoying life was a gift from God.

Sometimes the only idea that makes life interesting is that I know the world will end. But will it end soon, or after I am dead? Sure it's an uncertainty that could be disturbing. To me it's an excitement that just can't be bought some way else.

Grady Houger ~ man of occasional thoughts

Why yes, I did just listen to The Postal Service - Sleeping In.

2008 resolutions :-/

Its been a year since I put up a facebook note, and of those resolutions I only managed to loose weight, which was easy once I had to buy and cook my own food. Candy and cheese are expaensive! Eating in out is no deal when 25lbs of rice is $13.
This years resolution is to write something here every day. Now that I'm back in college hoping to be a professional writer, its unpleasant to discover that I actually am a lousy writer! Practice is the key according to all the advice I've read, so I'm going to do the blog thing like every other boring yaker on the internet.
Since facebook pops up notices of friends posting notes I have a build in audience for at least the note titles ha ha!

So happy new year all you friends, relatives and acquaintances! I look forward to having my text past through your vision soon!

Grady Houger ~ man who knows he is foolish

but wait! this is not facebook! For you few, happy few, you non-social networked readers of my blog you get these extra lines. Thats right, special content, just for you! and if you don't have facebook, don't bother signing up for it. It's only the best of the popular social networking sites, but there's a hundred more worthy ways to spend your time. And you can always email me.
:-)

favorite photograph

My favorite picture happened at home one snowy winter evening. I held my pocket digital camera to shoot through binoculars, and got a picture of a coyote walking through the storm. It looks forlorn traveling between the edge of the woods and the snow covered marsh grass. Has it found enough mice to survive? Does it have anyone to go home to?

! 2007 !

These are my resolutions, but I know it is ineffective to say 'I will do this' then try to force myself into it and spend my time feeling bad when I fail. Instead, it seems better to say 'these are the things I want to do', and developing attitude of encouraging myself.
So instead of absolute rules, this is my list of behaviors I will focus on. I know that to doing them will improve who I am and have fulfilling results.


intercessory prayer / scripture meditation

As a Christian I seek to live to the full potential God has for me. Praying for others is more effective than my trying to tell them how to live better. And deep prayer is wonderful. I need to practice this regularly. Likewise, learning God scripture is the primary way he speaks, so I must study it asking "How do I live this in my life?"

write to schedule / work toward goals

I feel compelled to write many stories, and recently I have turned to books about writing for aid. If I am to achieve my goals, a short scheduled time of writing every day seems to be an effective method.

eat/exercise/body tone

This is the classic new years resolution, but I am not interested in regimens and specific pounds. I want to avoid eating heavily, thus learning restraint. I want to seek out and reform the habits and attitudes that keep me from exercising and having a capable body.

Be awake. Practice complex difficult thinking tasks and social interactions rather than simple fun.

I see myself falling into sluggish unthinking entertainment. Or worse, times when I just can't think clearly and have no interest in anything. Why? I must carefully monitor and record what I do and think that puts me into an unproductive mood. Also, what choices motivate me to an opposite and preferable place; being mentally awake, curious, engaged in complex things that require a mature and lively mind. If I want to become a mature thinker and productive adult I must consider how I live and pursue those things that encourage such, and thus avoid practices that make me a lazy bum.

at school again

I was brushing my teeth and was seized with the longing to sit in a living room and have a quiet conversation with my witty wife. I guess that's what I get when I start reading Pride and Prejudice, and listen to classical music instead of the punk/metal the other guys play.
I am now living at Ecola Bible School, in Cannon Beach Oregon. Four Bible classes each week day, one less on Wednesday. Two topics per week of one week duration. I like the classes.
This is a vacation town and I overheard the school's nickname: Ecola Bridal School. It is the end of the second week, and it is apparent to even an unsocial geek like me that people are starting to date. I don't know how to date. Over the last few years I have been thinking about marriage and consider myself unready for such an endeavor. I'm getting closer though, and listening to Ride of the Valkyries right now adds a nice touch. Marriage is much more than the happy-blissy-sexy part that gets entirely overemphasized. I learned back in my teens that finding a girl who will stand with you through thick and thin was of utmost importance. The resulting question has taken much longer to answer: How do I develop a likewise steadfast character? There are many other similarly hard elements to be considered.
How to approach the matter with the right motives in the first place. How to earn a living to support a family. How to prepare to care for and support another individual, and before long, some number of untaught smaller individuals. I see in myself numerous habits and attitudes that are not congruent with a loving husband. And lastly, the big two: getting the theology of the whole matter right, and overcoming the fact I am a computer geek with communication deficiencies.
Marriage is something to puzzle over and work towards, but there are more fundamental considerations here. What to do with my life? Learning to grow more Christlike and follow his leading instead of my own efforts, which are obviously lacking to get me anywhere worthwhile.
I can hear people talking and laughing outside, I can hear a symphony play Liszt's Hungarian rhapsody #1 in F minor on my headphones.
I wish I knew how to converse with somebody. I'd better try again.