Thursday, January 03, 2008

wanting things bad enough to cry

I have a younger brother. Today he believed it was the last day to get something he wanted, and being without a credit card, he made a heroic effort at wheedling it out of the taller people in his life. It was really quite the display of new and creative methods of persuasion, for him. He wanted what we considered to be a worthless toy so badly he was willing to modify his behavior in hopes of getting it.

My brother went to bed disappointed; which builds character though I didn't tell him that. I used to want things that badly, but now that I've thought about it, there isn't much I so strongly desire these days. I've had my toys that broke or became boring. The few things I would like to own I can comfortably live without: $1800 cameras, $3000 lenses, and a titanium spork. I expect as I age even more things will become silly and unnecessary. I hear tell that past 90 years old, just waking up and getting to breath air is satisfying enough.

What do I really want out of life? Nowadays I think of bold abstract concepts like a job that will be useful, happy marriage, justice, tranquility, understanding, wisdom. But now, I have reservations about my desires, unlike when I was a child and could not imagine living without the big $100 lego pirate ship. I hear people say wanting things like justice and wisdom will be just as unfulfilling as the toys where. We'll see. A man has to have something to dream about, just like the boy does.
Though I did survive with just the small lego ship. And justice can wait till the end of time if necessary.

Grady Houger ~ man who no longer has time to play with legos

I wonder how I should feel about wanting things? What should I really get out and try to get? What will I wish backwards for when I'm 60?

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