I was brushing my teeth and was seized with the longing to sit in a living room and have a quiet conversation with my witty wife. I guess that's what I get when I start reading Pride and Prejudice, and listen to classical music instead of the punk/metal the other guys play.
I am now living at Ecola Bible School, in Cannon Beach Oregon. Four Bible classes each week day, one less on Wednesday. Two topics per week of one week duration. I like the classes.
This is a vacation town and I overheard the school's nickname: Ecola Bridal School. It is the end of the second week, and it is apparent to even an unsocial geek like me that people are starting to date. I don't know how to date. Over the last few years I have been thinking about marriage and consider myself unready for such an endeavor. I'm getting closer though, and listening to Ride of the Valkyries right now adds a nice touch. Marriage is much more than the happy-blissy-sexy part that gets entirely overemphasized. I learned back in my teens that finding a girl who will stand with you through thick and thin was of utmost importance. The resulting question has taken much longer to answer: How do I develop a likewise steadfast character? There are many other similarly hard elements to be considered.
How to approach the matter with the right motives in the first place. How to earn a living to support a family. How to prepare to care for and support another individual, and before long, some number of untaught smaller individuals. I see in myself numerous habits and attitudes that are not congruent with a loving husband. And lastly, the big two: getting the theology of the whole matter right, and overcoming the fact I am a computer geek with communication deficiencies.
Marriage is something to puzzle over and work towards, but there are more fundamental considerations here. What to do with my life? Learning to grow more Christlike and follow his leading instead of my own efforts, which are obviously lacking to get me anywhere worthwhile.
I can hear people talking and laughing outside, I can hear a symphony play Liszt's Hungarian rhapsody #1 in F minor on my headphones.
I wish I knew how to converse with somebody. I'd better try again.